A. Mugg Welcomes New President

But is Unable to See How It Will Affect Him One Way or Another.

Damon Runyon

Well I am very glad that we now have a new President of the United States, because one and all are sick of panning Woodrow Wilson, and will be highly pleased to start in panning somebody else.

As near as anyone can figure, this Warren G. Harding will make us a first class President, and so far not many are kicking about his Administration, although I hear some of his Cabinet appointments are terrible, and it certainly looks as if he has a grudge against the hotel keepers down in Washington.

It seems he does not give the hotel keepers a chance to work on people, what with making such a bum show of his inauguration that only the reporters go to see it, and this is a knock to him with many guys right off the reel. The way they look at it, he will declare everybody in when he gets a break, including hotel keepers, but he does not do it, and there is much indignation.

A guy from Washington is telling me that during the inauguration hotels only have heir rooms full, and do not have to put many cots in the halls, or the engine rooms, so Harding’s idea costs them plenty of dough. But outside of this and a few other things which do not suit people, the new Administration starts off fairly well, and with the best wishes of everybody except the Democrats, and I am glad to join in the welcome to the new President.


Personally it does not make much difference to me who is President. When I am a young squirt, I get no little steamed up about these matters, and to hear me hollering around you will think my life depends on this or that guy getting in, but I find out after awhile that no matter who is President, I am no better off than before.

I find out I have to hustle around and keep thinking up new rackets the same as ever for my three squares a day, and that it is just as hard to get hold of a few quarters to rub together in my pants pocket when a Republican is President, as when a Democrat is President, and maybe harder.

I read long-winded editorials in the papers every time a campaign comes on about what a wonderful thing it will be if such and such a guy is elected, and then after he gets in I find the weather is just as cold in the Winter, and just as hot in the Summer as before.

I have to get up at the same time every day, and ride to work in a street car the same as usual, with guys stepping on my feet and prodding me in the ribs and I have to dig up the old rent dough every month as if nothing happens.

My old lady needs just as many sconce pieces, which is a way of saying hats, and just as many shoes no matter who is in the White House, and it is a toss-up whether her appetite is bigger under a Democratic administration than when the Republicans are in.


I read how simple and easily approachable a new President is, but the only time I try to approach a President, nine hairy wristed secret service guys knock me for a loop. Only a month before, when the President is not then President, but only a candidate, I see him shaking ten thousand citizens by their dukes, and reaching out for more.

I am always hearing how much some new President is like Abe Lincoln, but it turns out he is like Lincoln the same way as Ping Bodie is like Ty Cobb. Anyway no matter what he is like, the butcher is always around looking for his.

When I am a young squirt I work my head off digging up votes for different guys who are running for President, and once or twice I take a chance or two, at that, when it looks as if things are not going our way, but I never yet have any President look me up and say to me: “Well, Mugg, old boy, how are things going, and do you need anything?”

For all a President knows, I may be in jail, or sick, but I never hear from any of them asking about my health, or my business.

So I finally lose interest in Presidents, and let them come and go as they please, and while I say welcome to Harding, I know that as far as I am concerned I will be just the same as ever, and maybe worse.