Ancil Toombs

Damon Runyon

Ancil Toombs was N. G.

In spades.

Ancil Toombs never worked a day in his life.

He was forty-five years old.

Ancil Toombs was tall, and thin, and had long black hair. His wife, Amy Toombs, cut it for him once a month.

Amy Toombs had a little millinery store on Commercial street, and worked hard all day long, while Ancil Toombs hung out around the Grand Billiard Academy playing pool. He spent the greater part of his days and evenings at the Billiard Academy.

Ancil Toombs was a first-class pool player. He could run off fifteen from the break.

Ancil Toombs’ wife. Amy, had to hurry home from her little store every evening to get Ancil’s supper. Ancil never went near the store except to get a half dollar off Amy.

Some people in Our Town said Ancil Toombs ought to be shot, but others claimed he wasn’t worth shooting.

Everybody agreed that he was N. G.

In spades.

One day the Democrats were looking around for a candidate for Congressman.

The Democrats in Our Town had no chance to win the election, so they nominated candidates for the different offices who had plenty of time on their hands.

Somebody suggested Ancil Toombs, and Ancil Toombs was nominated by acclamation.

He was inclined to be sore about it at first, as he said it was a reflection on his industry. Everybody in Our Town knew the Democrats were only nominating candidates who had nothing else to do but be candidates.

It happened to be the year Roosevelt swept the country, and Ancil Toombs was elected. His wife was greatly relieved because it meant Ancil would be in Washington most of the time and could not bother her for half dollars.

Everybody said Ancil Toombs would be a joke as a Congressman, but they were mistaken. He became the greatest authority in Congress on the drafting of income tax bills.

Everybody in Our Town is now very proud of Ancil Toombs and his record in Washington. He will be endorsed by both the Democrats and the Republicans at the next election.