Between Two Girls

Damon Runyon

DEAR SIR the other night I took my wife to the movies and when we got home I ses now look here Ethel you are always asking me all kinds of questions so I am going to ask you a few. She ses all right Joe go ahead and I will be rolling my hair while I listen.

I ses suppose there was a picture that had Hedy Lamarr and Greta Garbo in it and they was both after the same fellow and he picked Greta Garbo instead of Hedy Lamarr would that be reasonable? I ses do you think those fellows who make the movies have got a right to try to make us believe a thing like that?

Ethel ses who do you mean by us? I ses well us fellows who pay to get in to see those pictures for one. Ethel ses O. I ses what does that O mean? I ses I ask you a question and all I get is O. Ethel ses I thought you never noticed anybody in the movies but I see you have noticed Hedy Lamarr. I ses well I guess everybody else has that is not blindfolded. I ses anyway you have not answered me.

Ethel ses why Joe in the first place Hedy Lamarr and Greto Garbo would not be in the same picture and in the second place the fellow would have to pick Greta Garbo because she would be the star. She would be very much offended Joe if the fellow picked anybody else but her. Yes that is very reasonable. Besides Greta Garbo is very lovely Joe.

I ses I am not saying she is not lovely. I ses I forgot you are a hundred per cent Garbo so I will put my question another way. I ses suppose there was two girls in a picture who were both after the same fellow and one of the girls was Shirley Ross. Ethel ses O you have noticed Shirley Ross too have you. I ses well I have noticed her a little. Ethel ses I thought you always slept through most of the pictures we go to see? I ses well sometimes I am awake but I will be asleep in about four minutes if you do not let me finish what I started out to ask you.

Ethel ses all right Joe go ahead and I ses well where was I? Ethel ses you was at Shirley Ross. I ses O yes. I ses well suppose the fellow picked the other girl that was after him instead of Shirley Ross. I ses do you think that would be reasonable? I ses do you think it is reasonable for those fellows who make the movies to try to make us believe a fellow would pick another girl when he could get Shirley Ross or Paulette Goddard?

Ethel ses where does Paulette Goddard come in? I ses well I just put her in. Ethel ses I never knew you had noticed her too. I ses I have also noticed Binnie Barnes. I ses do you think it is reasonable for those fellows to try to make us believe a fellow would pick another girl when he could get Binnie Barnes?

Ethel ses I see what you mean Joe. You mean when they have a girl in a picture who has to get the fellow they should not have another girl who is more attractive than she is being left in the cold. I ses Ethel that is the idea. I ses you have hit it right on the button. I ses it makes me good and sore to sit there and see them try to make me believe a fellow would be dumb enough to pass up that kind for some dame who is not one two three with them.

Ethel ses yes but Joe if she is the star she has to get the fellow. She would probably create a terrible scene if they did not let her have the fellow. I ses all right but I still do not think it is reasonable. I ses I would like to talk to one of those fellows that the two girls are always after like Tyrone Power and Clark Gable and ask them if they would not rather have Shirley Ross than the one that always gets them.

Ethel ses you must have been noticing Shirley Ross quite a lot Joe Turp. I ses well Paulette Goddard or Binnie Barnes then. I ses Tyrone Power and Clark Gable look to me like pretty smart fellows and I cannot figure how those fellows who make the movies expect us to believe they would be dumb enough to prefer some dame with bad legs and not much looks to Shirley Ross. I ses what do you say to that Ethel? Ethel ses I say you are talking crazy. Tyrone Power and Clark Gable would not tell you even if you asked them and besides Clark Gable prefers Carole Lombard to anybody. I ses I told you he looked like a smart fellow to me. I see well Ethel I think I will now retire and leave you to think over what I ses and I bet you will agree with me and she ses wait a minute Joe. If I was the other girl in the picture and you was the fellow we were after would you want Shirley Ross to get you instead of me?

I ses no Ethel nor Paulette Goddard or Binnie Barnes either because I am smart like Clark Gable. She ses and better looking Joe.

Yours truly

JOE TURP.