Brooklyn is All Right

Damon Runyon

DEAR SIR the other night my wife Ethel was reading the paper and she ses Joe do you know what? I ses see here Ethel why do you always start out to say something by asking me a question? She ses why Joe what question did I ask you? I ses Ethel you just this minute ses Joe do you know what. I ses that is a question.

Ethel ses why Joe that is not a question at all. That is just to get you to notice me so I can tell you something. I ses do you mean to say it is not a question when you holler out Joe do you know what? Ethel ses certainly that is not a question. It is just a way of starting a conversation and besides I did not holler.

I ses well Ethel go ahead and start your conversation and she ses Joe do you know Brooklyn is all right? I ses I suppose that is not a question either? She ses why of course not Joe. It is just telling you something. I ses well you asked me if I know Brooklyn is all right and if that is not a question I would like to know what is.

Ethel ses O Joe I guess you are not feeling so good this evening and I ses I feel good enough and she ses well then do you know it? I ses do I know what? She ses do you know Brooklyn is all right? I ses of course I know it. I ses I have been telling you all along that it is the all rightest place in the world but how did you come to think of it yourself all of a sudden? I ses the last time I heard you say something about Brooklyn it was to knock everything and everybody in it.

Ethel ses yes but I guess I was just mad for a minute or two over something. I do not even remember what I ses. I ses well you ses plenty. I ses you ses if you had your way you would not be found dead in Brooklyn. Ethel ses O I remember that now but I take it all back. Brooklyn is all right. I ses well there is no use in you making your apologies to me. I ses you better make them to Mayor Laguardia.

I ses Ethel you have not told me yet what has happened to make you think of that and she ses well Joe I have been reading about the most terrible things that are happening in other places. That is what made me think of it. Joe do you know there are places in the world where if I went out walking like I do here in Brooklyn somebody would drop a bomb on me and blow me to little pieces?

I ses yes I know that and Ethel ses do you know there are places where they tell you how you have to live? I ses who tells you? She ses whoever is the dictator tells you. Joe do you know I would not like that? I ses you can bet you would not like it Ethel. She ses that is why Brooklyn is all right Joe. Nobody tells me how I have to live in Brooklyn and nobody drops bombs on me if I go out walking.

I ses well Ethel it is the same way everywhere else in this country and she ses I do not know anything about anywhere else in this country Joe but I know about Brooklyn and Brooklyn is all right. I would not live anywhere else in the world. Even my Uncle Dan ses Brooklyn is all right.

I ses O he does hay? I ses well I guess Brooklyn will be glad to hear your Uncle Dan thinks it is all right. I ses what has become of that revolution he was talking about the last time he was over here? I ses has he postponed it or what?

Ethel ses O Joe Uncle Dan does not want to see any revolution since he got that job working for the city. Uncle Dan ses a revolution would upset things in Brooklyn and he ses there is no sense in doing that. He ses Brooklyn is all right the way it is. Uncle Dan is very happy Joe because all he has to do is walk around and see that some other fellows do their work right.

I ses does your Pops think Brooklyn is all right too Ethel? She ses why of course he does Joe. You know very well my Pops always thinks Brooklyn is all right. He ses Brooklyn is all righter than any other place in this whole world and so does my Moms because she does not know about any other place.

I ses well now thats fine. I ses since everybody thinks Brooklyn is all right there is nothing for us to worry about so if you will get your hat and coat I will take you to see a picture. Ethel ses I will be with you right away Joe and just think we do not have to sit there in the movies shivering and shaking for fear somebody is going to drop a bomb on us like they do in those other places. Brooklyn is all right Joe.

I ses you can say it again Ethel and she ses all right Joe I will say it again. Brooklyn is all right.

JOE TURP.