Nice Fellow

Damon Runyon


DEAR SIR last night when I got home from work I ses to my wife Ethel well lovely I know where there is a new movie we haven’t seen and I will help you with the dishes and take you to it and Ethel ses no Joe let’s stay home. I want to tell you something. I ses all right but why can’t you tell me now, and then we can go and see the movie just the same?

Ethel ses no it will take me a little while to tell you and I ses well all right sweets I guess the movie will keep. So we had supper and I helped her with the dishes and after she had put everything away she came into the living room where I was reading the paper and ses now Joe I will tell you the something I mentioned. Do you know you are a terribly nice fellow?

I ses I am? She ses yes you are. I think you are the nicest fellow in this world. I ses well I am glad to hear it Ethel but what was it you wanted to tell me? She ses that was it. I ses what was it? She ses why what I just ses. I ses do you mean that all you wanted to tell me was that I am a nice fellow? Ethel ses sure. I ses now wait a minute Ethel. I ses isn’t there something else that goes with it? She ses not a thing Joe. I just wanted to tell you that you are a terribly terribly terribly nice fellow.

I ses let me think that over awhile. I ses you turned me down on going to the movies to tell me I am a terribly nice fellow? Ethel ses yes. I wanted to have you where you would listen to me when I told you. I ses what brought this on Ethel? She ses well Joe I got to thinking this afternoon what a terribly nice fellow you are. You come home every night all tired out but you always ask me to go to the movies though I know you are so tired you are liable to go to sleep in them and you often help me to do the dishes and never forget to ask me how I feel and are nice to me in a million ways. Then I got to thinking that I haven’t told you often enough what a nice fellow you are so I made up my mind to have a nice fellow evening for you and this is the one. Joe I am going to have a nice fellow evening for you once a month after this and on that evening we will just stay home and I will tell you what a nice fellow you are.

I ses well sweets you don’t know how much I appreciate this. I ses you are pretty nice yourself and she ses you tell me that almost every day Joe and I guess other husbands tell their wives the same thing but how often do the wives tell their husbands they are nice fellows? I ses I don’t know Ethel. She ses well I’ll bet it is not often but now that I have got my nice fellow evening started maybe it will spread all over the neighborhood and become a regular thing.

I ses have you mentioned the idea to others already Ethel? She ses no only to my Moms. She was over here this afternoon when I was thinking what a nice fellow you are and I told her I was going to have my nice fellow evening for you tonight. I ses what did she say beautiful? Ethel ses she ses it was crazy. My Moms ses my Pops is a nice fellow too but that she hasn’t told him so to his face in 20 years because if she did he would become suspicious that she wanted something. She ses you would get suspicious too. Are you Joe?

I ses of course not Ethel and it is the greatest idea I have ever heard of in my life. I ses from now on I will be looking forward to your nice fellow evening and I will keep on trying to show you I am entitled to it and just then the phone rang and Ethel was away quite awhile answering it and when she came back she ses guess who that was Joe? I ses I guess it was your Uncle Ben asking if you could let him have a couple of dollars. She ses no that was my Moms. Do you know what she ses Joe? She ses she went home and got to thinking about my nice fellow evening and she made my Pops stay in and told him he is a nice fellow too.

I ses what did your Pops think about that? Ethel ses why Moms ses he was tickled to death and gave her a big kiss and that surprised her so she could hardly talk to me. I ses well baby here is a kiss for you and I hope it is no surprise and Ethel ses of course not Joe. What a really nice fellow you are.

Yours truly