Red Fox Jacket

Damon Runyon

DEAR SIR I got up late last Sunday morning and after breakfast I started to read the paper to see how the Russians were doing with the Japs and after I read awhile it said continued on page four and I turned to page four and most of page four had been cut out and there was nothing there for me to read.

Then I went back to the first page to read about what Tom Dewey was doing and that said continued on page eight and when I turned to page eight most of that had been cut out too and so was page ten and page fourteen and several other pages.

I ses to my wife Ethel see here Ethel who has been cutting up the Sunday paper so that every page something is continued to is all gone? She ses why I have been cutting it Joe. I ses what is the idea anyway? I ses I have started to read five or six different things now and they are all continued on some other page and that page has been cut out everywhere. I ses now I only know about half of everything I started to read. I ses that is a fine thing to happen to a fellow with the Sunday paper.

Ethel ses why Joe I only cut out the fur ads. I ses what do you mean fur ads? She ses why the ads about the fur sales in all the stores. I ses Ethel I do not quite get you and she ses well you know what furs are that come off animals and that are made into coats and capes and things for ladies to wear dont you? I ses O those kind of furs eh? Ethel ses yes those kind.

I ses do you mean to tell me they have got ads in the papers now about things you wear in the winter when it is hotter than the dickens all over this town? Ethel ses certainly. This is when you get the biggest bargains and I have been cutting out the ads and saving them to study them for the styles. Lots of ladies do that.

I ses well it looks to me like a waste of time besides spoiling the paper for anybody who likes to find news in it and Ethel ses O no Joe. It is the best way to do because suppose you are thinking of buying a mink coat that costs three thousand dollars you look at all the ads and see how the styles are. It is the same way if you are thinking of buying an ermine wrap for thirty-five hundred or a cape.

I ses thirty-five hundred what? She ses thirty-five hundred dollars. I ses suppose who is thinking of buying something for thirty-five hundred dollars? She ses why anybody even me. I ses Ethel sweets are you feeling all right? She ses yes Joe I feel swell. I ses well it is pretty hot and people sometimes feel bad from the heat and do not know it right away. I ses did you say thirty-five hundred dollars? She ses yes that’s what I ses Joe.

I ses have you got fur ads saved up about something that costs thirty-five hundred dollars? She ses sure I have. They are the swellest styles of all Joe. I ses well Ethel if you are figuring on getting something that costs thirty-five hundred dollars I guess I will now go down to the river and drop myself in. Ethel ses why Joe you are the silliest thing I ever heard of. Of course I am not thinking of getting something for thirty-five hundred dollars. Where would I get thirty-five hundred dollars?

I ses that was what I was wondering and she ses but I have got a right to study the ads and think of how I would look in one of them havent I? I ses in one of what? She ses well in one of the red fox jackets like they show in the ads. I ses sweets I will bet you would look better than anybody in this whole world. She ses in a red fox jacket Joe? I ses in a green fox jacket for that matter and she ses O Joe nobody ever saw a green fox jacket and I ses all right Ethel make it red then.

I ses sweets just setting here thinking of how you would look makes me wish I knew where I could rob a bank and get the thirty-five hundred dollars to buy it for you and she ses why Joe a red fox jacket does not cost thirty-five hundred dollars or anywheres near it.

I ses well no matter what it costs I would like to see you in one and she ses are you sure Joe? I ses I am certain but it is too hot to talk about furs and if you will get your hat on I will take you to see the Dodgers play this afternoon. She ses thanks Joe and I sure am glad you would like to see me in a red fox jacket.

Then she took a clipping out of her apron pocket that was all creased up and she ses listen to this Joe. I can get a beautiful luxuriant red fox jacket for ninety-eight dollars and there are only two at this remarkable reduction for a limited time. A small deposit of five dollars down and two dollars a week and by next fall you will own this glamorous slenderizing jacket. Do not wait. That is what the ad ses Joe. You can read it yourself.

I ses I do not want to read it Ethel. I ses I will take your word for it. She ses well you ses yourself you would like to see me in a red fox jacket and I ses all right sweets I guess that a red fox jacket is just suited to you so you go pay the deposit tomorrow but I would think you would hate to wear a relations fur. She ses O Joe I thank you a zillion times but that remark sounds funny to me. What do you mean a relations fur? I ses Ethel lets go to the ball game.