She’s a Dreamer

Damon Runyon

DEAR SIR the other night my wife Ethel woke me up out of a sound sleep by shaking me and hollering Joe O Joe wake up please and when I opened my eyes she was standing by the bed in her dressing gown and she ses Joe I just had a terrible dream. I ses well thats a fine thing to wake somebody up to tell them. I ses why didn’t you go to sleep again and forget it?

Ethel ses O I couldn’t go to sleep again until I called up my Moms to ask her what it meant. I ses do you mean to tell me you called her up at this time of night to ask her such a silly question? Ethel ses its only about midnight and she never goes to bed that early and besides its not a silly question. I wanted to know what it meant. My Moms knows what every dream means. I am going to have trouble with a good friend.

I ses what did you dream about that means trouble with a good friend? Ethel ses I dreamed about a zebra. I ses do you mean one of those striped mules like they have in the circus? She ses certainly Joe. What other kind of zebras are there? I ses I never heard of such foolishness in my life. I ses there I was knocking off a bundle of sleep that I need plenty of these days and you wake me up to tell me you are going to have trouble with a friend because you dreamed about a zebra. I ses Ethel you go on back to bed now and let me finish out my snooze.

Ethel ses well I don’t think thats a nice way for somebody to talk to their wife. Don’t you ever have dreams Joe? I ses no I don’t. I ses I am too tired when I hit the feathers to do anything but sleep and even if I did dream I wouldn’t believe in it enough to call up somebody to find out what it meant. I ses will you please go to bed? I ses what are you standing there for? Ethel ses I am trying to think what good friend I am going to have the trouble with Joe. It can’t be Mamie Schultz because I am having trouble with her already and besides she is not a good friend. She is a two-face. Maybe it will be with Alberta Marx but I can’t think what the trouble will be about. Can you Joe?

I ses look Ethel. I ses you go ahead and have trouble with anybody you like and let me sleep will you? Ethel ses O it couldn’t be with just anybody according to the dream Joe. It has to be with a good friend. I ses all right pick out a good friend and have your trouble. I ses I never heard of such a silly superstition in my life as believing in dreams. Ethel ses then why are you afraid to walk under a ladder when it is leaning across a sidewalk? Thats superstition Joe. I ses thats not superstition thats common sense. I ses the ladder might fall on me. I ses any dope would know that.

Ethel ses Joe Turp are you calling me a dope? I ses of course not. I ses I am not calling you anything but foolish for believing in dreams and then Ethel began to cry and she ses yes you did call me a dope and even if you didn’t call me one thats what you think I am. My Moms had believed in dreams all her life and my Pops believes in them too and they don’t call each other dopes. I think you are very mean Joe.

So I had to get out of bed and put my arms around her and I ses listen beautiful. I ses if you think I called you a dope or if you think I am thinking you are one I apologize. I ses whats more one night next week I will take you over to Madison Square Garden to the circus and you can see those zebras you dreamed about. I ses I will even believe in your dream too if you like.

Ethel stopped crying and ses thats wonderful Joe. I mean about the circus and now you can go back to sleep and I will not say another word to you although I wish I could think who the good friend is I am going to have trouble with. So I kissed her and went back to bed and got to sleep right away but pretty soon she woke me up again and ses Joe I have thought of the good friend I was going to have trouble with. Its you Joe. But now we have had it and its all over so I don’t have to worry any more. Now do you believe in dreams?

I ses good night Ethel.

Yours truly